Year end thoughts

It is Saturday today.  I went to the Jewish General on Tuesday to see my new Dr., The Dr. A.  He has some good reviews and some bad ones on webmd.  After one visit I could not like him more.  I started feeling stronger on Christmas day, and stronger still each day after.  I feel quite good today.  I am very relaxed.  It came to me on Thursday that this part of my struggle is over.  I don't have to fight anymore for a lung transplant evaluation.  It's been arranged by The Dr. A.

2013 started a lot like 2012 finished up.  The Dr. was still on medical leave, my primary pulmonary care was provided by Dr. Y.  I detested her for her complete lack of empathy as well as her harsh manner.  That said, I probably was a lousy patient.  She did send me for a second stint at pulmonary rehab at Mount Sinai. I don't think I would have made it this far without it.  I owe her that.  At the end of last year, boxing day, I caught something that lingered for months, leaving me worn out.  Nicole and I were coming to terms with my situation.  Our discussions centered around living for the moment and planning for the end.  I was and still am determined not to have a lingering,slow, death by a thousand cuts that emphysema normally brings.  We were good with everything.  J of The Dr. called me sometime in January 2013 to tell me The Dr. was resuming his practice.  The fix was in Doctor wise.  As much as I did not like Dr. Y., I did not trust The Dr. after being abandoned earlier.  I had no choice in the matter.  Much as I tried I had been assigned The Dr., and that was that.

During my first meeting after his medical leave of over a year, on March 3, 2013, I asked The Dr. if there were any extraordinary surgical measures that could be taken to help me live longer.  I asked simply because it was important to my peace of mind.  I expected the answer to be no.  I was good with no.  I had no idea what I was actually doing other than dutifully checking that out before I returned home to expire.  He said, "yes, you qualify for a lung transplant, you meet the criteria".  

The rest was war, a year of struggle, of fighting for everything, constantly every step of the way.  I was sorely tested, often.

Then, like magic, at the tail end of 2013 everything seemed to change.  Everything fell into place, seemingly.  I went from lost to found in a matter of weeks.  I have a team of caregivers at one of the best hospitals in the world.  I don't think I have to fight so hard not to get lost in the shuffle.  My transplant eval at Notre Dame is coming.  The surgeons know my name.  My cancer is being monitored.  I feel better physically than I dared dream even a week ago.  The new normal is ok!  

I love my life.  I love how I see.  I love who I am becoming.  This hope thing is not so bad.  Let's see where it takes me.