There is nothing going on doctor wise. Dr. P. cleared me and my heart for a lung transplant more than a month ago. Three weeks ago I let The Dr. and June know. Two weeks and four days ago on a Monday June called and told me there were forms regarding the transplant application that I had to fill out. I went the next day and did so. The Dr. did not have hours that day but I was assured that the docs would be given to June the next day. I called that day, a Wed, again on Friday, and again on Monday and Wed. of this week. I could only leave a message each time, the phone was not answered. The message was a really simple one. Did my application for a lung transplant get forwarded to Notre Dame Hospital. I am still waiting for a call back. I feel really lousy about this. The Dr. is known to "fire" patients who he does not like. I simply have no choice but to suffer in silence and await whatever the fuck is next. Luckily, for now, I am ok physically. Right. Ok for someone seriously fucked up with end stage emphysema. Really. Some days I don't even believe it myself. Those days I figure I must be a fraud or one tough SOB. Fraud wins out most of the time.
I would not have posted a rant today other than the fact that I may be out of touch for a month or three. It is a long complicated and stupid story but essentially I got behind on the taxes on my house. I had a plan (dumbass) to get the oldest part of that cleared before it became a legal problem. At the same time my mortgage is coming up for renewal at the end of January. We do not want and cannot reapply or make changes, we would not pass muster. The arrears have to be cleared before renewal date. The renewal will be automatic at a new lower interest with lower payments. The mortgage is small and we have a lot of equity. We have to keep out house. The mortgage company contact is a sweetie, she is trying her ass off to help. Yesterday we agreed that my next 4 bi weekly payments will get applied to the arrears which cuts a chunk. I have some cash that I am sending them now and more when we get pension income in mid month. We can just about manage it, it will work. No matter what we will get it done.
Virtually every cent we have and will have for the next few months are going to have to go towards the arrears and there will be nothing for anything else. Nicole and I are ok with that. We don't care. All we care about is not loosing our house. It would be insane. Rent would be double the current mortgage. So, I suspect I am not going to be able to keep the cable and the internet going for much longer.
Things will be better towards the spring. We both have significant increased pension income coming in late Feb. We are ok with everything, we just have to sacrifice now for long term good.
So, I will be around as long as I can, I will keep writing and see you all soon. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, have a helluva nice Quanza and generally have a nice time. Nicole and I will.
PS. This was hard to write. I am proud that I did. It is far worse to worry about what people will think about you than to stay silent and not share.
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