On Friday morning Sugar had to go to the vet to deal with a paw problem. Poor little thing was starting to hurt and I was sure it had become infected. Nicole wanted to go and visit our neighbour Lucy who is in hospital at the moment. I told Nicole I could call a taxi and take Sugar without any problem. I believed it, too.
As it turned out it was a problem, a big one. I got into trouble getting into the taxi, getting into the vets office and getting back into my house from the taxi. Edge of consciousness, lungs almost collapsed. This is new, at least it is new in respect to how quickly and how thoroughly my body wants to shut down. Is it an exacerbation? I do have a sinus infection that is being treated with antibiotics and I do not particularly feel much in the way of symptoms from the infection right now. It feels like the new normal. I also have to remember I am on steroids for another week or so and that could be part of what I feel.
I will have to back off somewhat, physically and be more realistic, be kinder to myself.
Over the last year I have stripped off much of my ego. It all has to go. Ego blocks the light. Vain, pathetic, cowardly ego! Ego is a self constructed prison. Ego tells me to write pretty lies, not to share, not to express my wonder and joy at what I am finding in these difficult times. My ego must die before I do. Then there will be nothing but love and light, right here, right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment