I called The Dr. this morning and I spoke with June.  I let her know that I had met with Dr. P. last Monday and that he had given me assurances that my heart's health was good enough to endure the transplant.  She had not seen anything from Dr. P. yet.  She promised to keep on top of it and get back to me shortly.

I thought today I would talk a little about what my illness feels like these days, what I am up against all the time.  The best analogy I have heard to date is that emphysema in it's late stage feels exactly like breathing through a straw feels to a person with normal breathing.  You get air, but it is never enough, ever.  The normal reaction to this feeling is panic and that only makes it worse.  First, you have to accept that this is all the air you can get and it is enough, it just does not feel that way.  You do learn to cope and adapt to this to a certain degree. If I take a few steps too quickly or brusquely I am left out of breath completely and it takes a few moments to recover.  This happens all the time, especially when I feel pretty good.  I really am an infernal optimist, I constantly forget that I am sick, which I suppose is a good thing generally.  I can go from gasping, on the edge of loosing consciousness to good to go in a matter of two minutes.  It is so damn easy to forget and get into trouble.  I keep thinking that is good. 

I have a lot of pain being caused by a shot left hip.  For most of this year I did not really feel it much because I was taking prednisone.   Happiness is not needing or wanting to take prednisone.  I feel infinitely better at the moment in spite of the skeletal pain I have to endure.  I know this spring time of good health I feel now is fleeting.  I am enjoying ever last second of it. 

Emotionally I think I am doing pretty good.  I face things without being overwhelmed by them.  My biggest worry is and always will be staying solvent and making sure Nicole gets a house with plenty of equity in it.  That remains a serious challenge and we live on the edge.  That itself is a major source of anxiety.  I do not feel sorry for myself at all.   I am not depressed for which I am thankful.  I do feel a bit lonely at times.  Without a car it is difficult to get around.  I can walk but not very far.  I am afraid of crowds of people, especially now that the weather is colder and we are in flu season.  Flu terrifies me.  So I am mostly shut in.

I take a LOT of medications.  I really wish I did not, did not have to.  I have no desire to fight or disagree with my Doctors at this time even though I suspect this is somewhat a ridiculous medication load.  They all seem to be indicated.  Here is a list of what I take at the moment:
Carbocal D                                                      1000 mg           daily
Ramipril                                                                  5 mg           daily
Clopidogrel                                                           75 mg          daily
Citalopram                                                            20 mg          daily
Asaphen                                                                80 mg          daily
Rosuvastatin                                                         10 mg         daily
Azithromycin                                                        250 mg        daily
Fosavance                                                              70 mg        weekly
Spiriva                                                                                        daily
Symbicort                                                                                  2x daily
Bricanyl                                                                                      as needed
Prednisone                                                                                 when req
Quite the load of meds eh?  I hear post lung transplant involves about 50 different medications!

Today is a good day.  I love Nicole.  I have gorgeous little kitties to play with.  I have friends who love me.  

Hopefully June of The Dr. will make my phone ring soon, and her lovely voice will tell me to come see The Dr.  The Dr. sends the application and we live happily ever after.  Helluva story, eh?