Sunday 19 May 2013

I am very tired this morning.  We spent the afternoon yesterday at Beaconsfield Lawn Bowling Club (BLBC).  It's open house weekend at the club and we always make it a point to go and see if we can help nab some new bowlers.  We got there early before anyone else and went right outside to see how it would feel.  The green is in tremendous condition for this time of year and that is really good to see, it bodes well for a good season.  Like usual, my first shots were spot on as if I had been practicing all winter.  That always sets the hook and causes me to feel like I still got "it".  I probably never had "it" to begin with, but that's not the point, is it?  Playing was hard.  The acts of picking up my bowl, focusing, going through my pre shot routine and execution of the shot leaves me breathless at the end. If I am going to play for real at all I need to get recovered quickly, half a minute at the most, in time for my next shot.  I imagine that I will be able to play in the Men's Provincial Championships with my men's fours team.  That will only require me to make two shots per end walk the length of the green a maximum of four times per end, more likely two or three times.  The tournament will be short, a few games at the most, in the evening.  This will be my last competitive play with these old worn out lungs.    I only hope I do not embarrass myself too much and that the guys I am taking will gain something from playing with me and the experience of trying to get to a National Championship.

It felt like going home yesterday.  A lot of people at BLBC know what is going on with me, I am obviously not trying to keep it a secret!  It felt a little odd, but a lot nice to enjoy the love and kindness I felt.  It was a bit overwhelming.  Since I made the decision to stay on the executive for the season I have had second thoughts.  I changed my mind and resigned yesterday.  It is the best thing for both BLBC and me.  Now I just have to play for fun and work with a couple of ladies who are showing some exceptional skills.  Should be fun.

No news from medical stuff this week.  I did the blood work last Monday, delivered more urine than I thought my body could possibly produce in twenty four hours and did the bone density x rays.  On top of that they got the CT scan, PET scan and the echocardiogram.  I am learning to be patient  I can see I am fast tracked at every turn now.  There is no chance I am going to fall through any cracks in the system.  I am damned sure of that.  I sat with my friend Barbara Armbruster who is on the board of directors at the Lakeshore General Hospital for a while yesterday and we talked about my mostly positive experiences at her hospital.  She was happy to have a conversation where she was not being called to task on something.  I do not miss an opportunity to further my cause. I don't know for sure when the phone will ring, or who it will be.  I don't even have an appointment with anyone.  I did start taking prednisone yesterday.  I made the right decision, I think.  I feel stronger already.

I continue to surprise myself at my lack of outright terror at having cancer.  When I was chatting with Barbara yesterday she told me a funny story about a guy who was told point blank by a Dr. not to worry at all about the newly discovered cancer because he would be dead from other causes well before that devoured him.  It was funny but you probably had to be there to appreciate the joke fully.  I think that sort of sums up how I feel about this minute fart of an excuse for cancer.

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