Chill day

Have been taking prednisone for about two weeks now.  I did one burst of ten days, tapered dose starting at 50 mg down to 5 mg then stop.  The stop lasted two days and I started to feel poorly again. Superman was not in sight.  So, I followed the new action plan that calls for 50 mg for five days followed by five days of 25 mg.  Half way through that now.  I feel okish but now I need to be very careful about pred dependency, too soon.  This very well may be a silly notion cause everything is pretty much now, now. The deep long lasting infection was not killed by the avelox.  It was beat up though.  I have virtually no voice and burning sensation deep in my lungs.  It's still there.  Today I better write my nurse, advise and get council.  This is no time to screw up or make guesses.  I do feel alright, considering.  I do not feel or think of myself as sick most of the time.  The therapy and training is paying off huge.  I do not exceed my capacity, unconsciously I seem to monitor this all of the time, and that lets me be blissfully unaware of my broken body.  


So why do I feel so blissful lately?  It is both simple and complex, but mostly simple I recon now.  I made many poor choices, seemingly,  in my life.  I always thought that.  I strove hard to understand why all of my life, an understanding that eluded me.  I live an examined life, I always question myself, my motives.  

I believe now that I did one thing right, one thing perfectly without ever realizing I was.  It was the big one though.  The really important one.  The one thing you need to be to find the peace you knew at the beginning.  Complete the circle.  

I was true to myself.  Always.  Never once did I waver through my entire life.  I could not.  This was my saving grace.

It also ruined many things.  Lack of compromise does that.  

I would have screwed it up had I known. :)

I got my headaches this morning, we all do.  Mostly I am over the moon with joy.  I was up again today waiting for the dawn of a rainy day.  Awesome.

I gained ten pounds in a week, almost back to what I have to be, around 115 to 120.  

I am eating huge.  Drinking huge.  Moving huge.

Love....