The wonder, bliss, joy does not go away. It intensifies. Nicole feeds it constantly. She sees! She understands! Such wonders, I tell you, fill my universe, every moment magnificent.
I stepped out of my circle maneuver yesterday long enough to call a notary. The experience was a pleasant surprise. Putting my affairs in order and leaving Nicole in the best position possible will only cost a few hundred dollars and be painless. The moment of my incapacitation she will have full control of our assets and my fate. She knows what to do. My world is Nicole. Everything is Nicole. If anyone out there thinks it was ever something other than Nicole, you are mad. Nicole.
I see her so clearly now. I understand her now. She made me. She showed me. By example. Nothing else With a smile. Blessed Nicole. Unconditional love. This is heaven. We are one. I thank you Ma Belle for everything!
I am stronger today than yesterday physically. I work out mornings with great joy. My body is still magnificent! I play. I stay in my tub afternoons, hours at a time, trying to think of a reason to get out, and cannot, so I refill and stay. Spoiled rotten :)
My doctors want cookies. No kidding. They fully approve. Dont even try to guess which. I eat a lot of cookies. I keep laughing and smiling and working and doing and playing and stuff. Some day soon all sick people will eat cookies. They help make it way bearable for me at least.
I love this ride to bits! I am really becoming as a child again. Why fight that? Once a man, twice a child. It is the way. I might even get a bloody restart with fresh lungs! Common now. I don't suffer, I don't have pain, I am not afraid in the slightest, I am having a blast each and everyday just movin and groovin and being. Doctors orders! Perspective baby. Get some. So much love, kitties, such stuff you would not believe. All day everyday. Right there! Oh man, every sunrise I tell ya!
I think I will make it to spring. I think my heart is ok enough. I think the cancer thing is no biggie. Thing is though, I never think about those things. Ever. I had to concentrate quite hard to formulate the idea to write it actually. No control . Butterfly.
Don't be scared! I know its hard, but don't be.
I am doing just fine. Nicole's got it best she can.